My Husband Guitar left mi Today, was packing up to move my belongings to the new place. Accidentally, I dropped my beloved green acoustic guitar, which I played for years... few years ago, Brother Thomas gave it to mi as a present when i started to learn how to play one... my tears ran down when I realised that the head cracked and came off... i can't bear to throw it away... i cried alot n blamed myself for not taking good care of it... it's my fault...
All along these years, I will play my favourite guitar whenever I'm at home... I play it whenever i'm stress, play it till late night... created my own music with it, and even cry out my joys n sorrows by hugging it in my arms... now that it's broken, it can't be repaired... Brother Thomas threw it away for mi... it will no longer be by my side anymore...:( will I stop playing??? I dun have my favourite guitar now... I really hope that this is a dream... but it will be worst if I lie to myself... no more guitar, no more music... so quiet now... will I get another one?
~{5:50 AM} Angelic
Saturday, September 29, 2007
My Pig Day Yawn... still feeling a bit tired... though i slept for half day... half day just gone like that... haa...
slept at 6am today... cos the whole night chatting n seeing stars with RuanDong... haa... even gave him a new Christian name- Samuel/ Isaac... Cos Tony sounds so playboy n gay... had a great time... chat alot n discussing if the stars are real... so stupid hahaha...
din had the mood to go to tuanqi today... 1) not willing to, 2) woke up late... haha.. i woke up at 6pm... everyone call mi pig today... sob... hmph! woke up late got wrong meh?! haha... hmm... had my breakfast at about 8 plus (pm)... haha... I'm so pig today...
alright, moving tml afternoon... hope that the new place is fine... yawn...
~{6:47 AM} Angelic
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A Brighter Tomorrow The night before last night, RuanDong and Zhiming were online and they chatted with mi for quite some time. Last night, Jasmine asked me out for a swim after attachment. Today, Lyna talked to me outside my project room and lent me her shoulders. I cried again... again... cos of everything... thank you Lyna... thank you Peanut too for leaving mi this tag... yup, also to all my frens who cared for me during this period of time too...
These few days are not great, but those friends around mi are giving me lots of encouragements, helping me not to think of all the endless problems... I know you all care about me, I'm realli touched... There's nothing much I could say, but all I can say is a big thank you. When I needed you, you are there... All of you gave me the encouragements, I felt it, really. Xie xie ni men!!! Becos' of this, I will face a brighter tomorrow! I will stay strong!!! I will be happy!!! I will!!!
~{1:35 AM} Angelic
Monday, September 24, 2007
I must be strong! The problem between me and my church buds are getting worst. I really don't know what's wrong... I tried asking them but they just refuse to tell me. I think they must really find me annoying that's why i gapped from them so much. I am really disappointed with my best fren, who grew up with me together in church. Thinking back, I could still recall of the time when she offered to share her colour pencils and biscuits with me in Sunday School, and even gave me surprise hand-made cards whenever she feel like making one for me. I'm so touched by what she had done for me as a fren for so many years-18yrs. And this year is the 19th year.
But, to my great disappointment, she left me, left me and went closer with my Godsister. I don't mind that they are close, neither am I jealous about it. It's just that all of a sudden, I feel so outcast by them, as if they have not know me before. Both their birthdays are the same but jus differ one year. Perhaps, that's the reason why they can clique so well. I just can't cos I'm different and this can never be changed. These few weeks, my family problems have been giving me a great headache. I can't concentrate much on my school. I'm very afraid that I can't adapt to the new place and living with new people. I have never tried living away from my brother and dad. Though I had alot of disagreement with them for many times, leaving them and moving to another place just shattered my heart. Cos I feel that I will be living in a place that does not belong to me. A home that didn't want me and my best friend that didn't want me too. Really feel like leaving this world. Very soon if I don't save myself, I know I will suffer from depression. She is my best friend, why must she leave me? She's changed, really changed. It's no longer the Esther that I knew. For Beatrix, I don't really have hopes for her. Because, she's the kind who will hate people to the core, no matter what. That's why she's still hating her ex-bf now. I will be her eye-sore too. All that I could say is that she just need to grow, cos' her mentality is still as childish.
I started to realise that not all Christians are good people. I'm not trying to reject God. It's just that all people are sinners. Including me. In God, I did not take good care of this friendship with them. That's why I upset God. But I din mean to.
Maybe, it's going to be a change in my life. I'm going to have new friends. Friends like HuiHui, Zhiming, Zhiwei, Ziya, Ervinna, Jasmine, Kat, Nadia, Lyna, RuanDong, HuiQi, Jessilyn, Clement, Kaydence Patricia and Von are able to lend me their ears. True friends that I should consider. And I think it's time to let go of this 19 years of friendship, ya? So many friends in school, can they overwrite this 19 years?
New stage of life, moving this Friday. My best friend won't know where I will be moving to. Maybe I shall isolate myself and look for a brighter tomorrow.
~{6:50 PM} Angelic
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Moving to? Lately, was quite down with alot of things... my church buddies kinda ignore me for no reason. but that's not a very big issue. What's really bad is my concern about moving to where. Few days ago, my mum told me that her friend's relative is able to rent us a house in Yishun. Mum said that there's only a middle-age lady and a secondary school boy living in that house, not long after the middle-aged lady will move out of the house. So, only the secondary school boy will be left in the house. From what Mum had told us, the boy is a good boy. No problems. I had eagerly wanted to move in because i am ready to accept the fact to living with this boy whom i have not met before. I am not afraid of anything because one thing, he is younger than me, and i will treat him like a brother of my own.
ZhiWei had asked me last night in church about where i am moving to. Happily, I told him that i will be moving to Yishun. They must be happy too. Cos' if I were to really move to Yishun, everything will be great. I can meet them out til late night, and even go jalan with Nadia, Jessilyn and Peanut.
However, last night was a shocking thing for me to know. Mum came back from work and said," girl, we won't be able to move to Yishun. They rejected our rental. Anyway, the boy is a very bad boy. He is good from the outside, but he is actually a very naughty boy. Moreover, their house is filled ith big idols that they didn't want to remove." Didn't Mum said that the boy is good a few days ago? Why did Mum lie to me? Why? I started questioning her what she had said to me a few days back. But, Mum is just retaliating in a raised voice. I didn't want to listen anymore. Then, I quickly turn in to bed. I covered my ears and said to her, " if you have ever confirm where to move to, then tell me. I didn't want false alarms." Mum then yelled back, "If you are good enough, then get a house of your own!"
Alright, since Mum had said that, I will get a house soon after I reach 21, provided that I am financially able to. I will prove Mum wrong. Just give me a few years, and I will work hard. I hate false alarms!!!
~{5:51 PM} Angelic
Sunday, September 9, 2007
hApPi TeAcHeRs' DaY tO mI!!!
Hand-made present gave by my lovely Sunday School kids!!! Priceless!!! will keep it!!!
~{8:35 AM} Angelic
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Stress about everything Lately, I'm stress about everything... everything... stress till that I dun have the heart for dance.. Mum told me that we are moving out on 28 Sept, which is in 3 weeks time. but we still have no idea where we are going to live. I'm doing the countdown. I'm left with 23 days. Only 23 days...
One of my friend's mum had just passed away on last Sunday afternoon, 12.31pm. I know it so clearly because they are my close friends, friends whom i grew up with in church. And their mum is my pastor's wife. I really have to pay my respect to her. All that i could do is to attend the funeral wake almost every day since Sunday. It's not tiring, but emotionally unbearable... I can't imagine that we will not be able to see her in future... cos' she's gone... I cried alot lately, realising how important life is, and that we also have to cherish our love ones.
There's just too much stress to handle now... I can't breathe... I told Peter about my family issues. He allowed me to settle my family matters first. But, I still feel bad cos' I have been absent for a few dance practices and I feel that I'm not doing my job as a Dance Head.
I'm really worn out... nothing much to say... can I leave all these problems aside?
