I cried...
It was my first time to cry on the streets... because I could not go home... I felt tired, lost, alone, penniless, helpless, hopeless...

Had been some time that the restaurant is "unbusy". But, Saturday itself proved it wrong. It was full house, and my colleagues and me did not have a proper time to even have a sip of water from the kitchen. Customers kept coming in, and we busy like hell, serving, taking orders, clearing, closing checks, setting new tables one after another. I have never felt so busy in the restaurant before for the past 6 months. And this night I was even made to stay longer hours to work. Supposedly I should end at 10pm. Due to the busy night, I was made to do OT. I ended at 11.30pm.

I rushed with Veron to the MRT station. No problems for Veron cos she can take a bus. But it's a BIG BIG problem for me. I missed my last train. God! I missed it! I don't have money with me except my EZ-link card. The only cash I had is the $2.30 that my customer tipped me that night. I cant afford to take a cab home. 2 days back I took a cab home, it cost me a bomb and there goes my salary for working one night. I didn't know what to do. I decided to sms Josiah for help. But no response during my most desperate time. It's already 12midnight and I'm trapped at Orchard Road, no train, no bus... no money... no one by my side... I tried to calm down, but I cant think of any ways to get myself home. Sister called me, she didn't offer to sent me home even though she has a car. Perhaps she is tired from work and she is already at home, and perhaps she think that it is my own responsibility to go home by myself. Yes, indeed, she asked to to find a way to go home by myself. I hung up the phone and started to tremble. I really dunno what else I can do. Or shall I stay at the bus stop or hang around Orchard till the morning and wait for the first train? I started to tear. Yes, I am scared. I want to go home.

A middle aged nice man talk to me. He said, "er, maybe you can try the night rider to see if it reaches the nearest place to your home?" Oh god! Thank God, it's a Saturday and there is a night rider. But the night rider doesnt drop me at the specific place where my home is. I boarded the night rider and started tearing again. I felt helpless and hopeless, really. I really have to thank Nadia for sms-ing me, at least I felt more concerned that someone is there for me even though she is not physically. Thanks babe. Then, Josiah's sms came. The sms came too late. I guess if I keep on waiting for his sms, I will eventually cry on the ground and couldn't do anything at all. The night rider lady bus driver talked to me, and even taught me a few bus routes to get home at night. I have to thank her too. She did not drop me at the place that I wanted. I still have to walk one LRT station before I reach home. But it's beter than I cant get home right? I reached home at 1.30am.

I WILL NEVER WORK OT AGAIN!!!

Thoughts
Hadn't had a great week... Been working night shifts, going home late... Thought that I have got to know a new friend, but... it was kinda a disappointment... it really takes time to understand a person in depth. That's a problem when you and the friend doesnt understand each other much, and ended up in an argument. He thought, I thought... Everything seems to be an assumption. It will just end up to make an ass out of you and me. (Ass-u-me)

So what if both are of the same religion? It doesnt guarantee that you will last forever. I let you know what I expect, cos' I wanna be honest with you, let you know what I want. I also ask for your expectations, because I wanna know what you want. I have been through how it is like and I know how it feels. That's the reason why I have been trying my best to be better. I don't aim for the best, but for the better. Is such thing unreasonable? To people out there, it's really important to know wat is like and what is love. Ready yet dunno what is love? That's kinda contradicting, isn't it? I guess maturity still needs to be nurtured more... That's also includes me... It's a great homework to learn.

Working with HuiHui starting from Mon, office hours. And working at night shifts... Hopefully I can take it.. cos i know it's going to be a tiring journey for me... Keep it up!!! Move!!!

My one-day hairstyle...

Written in the Library @ Esplanade
15 April 2009, Wednesday
2:16pm

I went for my second interview at Citibank this morning. It was pouring heavily outside. I gave a call to the HR person in-charge. I'm glad that God is with me. Due to the heavy rain, I informed that I might be 20 mins late. But unexpectedly, I was only 5 mins late, which did not keep her waiting and panicking. The interview went smoothly, until it came to a point when she said this that made a pause to our interview conversation. "To be frank with you, the jobscope of a collections officer is totally different from your marketing major, and just to tell you that it might not bring you anywhere in the long-run." "Yes, I understand.." I replied and paused with a slight astonishment. This is the second interview that they called for me, but that doesn't seem convincing that I may get the job. Will I? I felt shit.

Well, so as long as the interview is over, I felt a stone lighter. I had a little breakfast at The Coffee Bean in Suntec City and got myself changed into the casual dress that my friends have bought for me on my birthday. Went to Carrefour to get myself some plasters, my heels are giving me blisters.

I took my time strolling in Suntec City all by myself. Noticed a push cart, and a caucasian man staring at me. He was looking for a model for hair curling. He appraoched me as I was trying to walk away. "Come, I will curl your hair for free." Free? Yes, it is free, and it draws alot of attention from the public. He made big curls for me. I felt like the "Covergirl" on the magazine. "You are beautiful. Do you have a boyfriend?" The man asked me. "Oh no, I think I look like a nerd." Not because of the curled hair, but I really think I look nerd with my pair of spectacles that I have been wearing all along these years. So, since the curling is free, I thanked the man and went off. Kind of rude huh? Being a polite girl, I aksed him about the curler that he offers. Brand is called Jose something, $160, life-time warranty.. Hmm.. Perhaps I can try to get one when I have save enough money. And definitely I want to curl my hair on my 21st birthday.:)

I enjoyed my walk alone, quiet and peaceful. I am a person with low sense of directions. So, blindfully, I followed my own instincts and the directory boards and made my way to the Library @ Esplanade. I walked to the Dance section corner and shoved a few ballet books after a short browse. Not really interested in the contents of dance but more to the pictures of the positions that attracts my attention. I took a seat by the seaview couch. I believe it is an inexpensive, or perhaps priceless way to spend the afternoon after the morning showers.

Patience and commitment..
I admit that I want some attention from my love one, but not to the extent that I want him to be 24 hours by my side. I just realised that its getting a bit worrying when your love one disappear for more than 24 hours, isnt it? or perhaps going to reach about 48 hours... this is what that really worries me. disappear and without letting you know how is he doing...

Blame it on myself. I felt insecure. Because my ex, disappeared for many weeks.. then months... i waited and waited... And forever he is gone. I just want to say, the waiting is tormenting. I hate the wait. This time again, I'm afraid, afraid that he will never come back... even if he is not a foreigner, he has his own legs and he can go wherever he wants, and keep me away from his life. I don't ask for much. Just a simple message each day if you are really busy, am I asking too much? Can't spare me a few mins to give me a simple sms? His commitment in other things seem to occupy him fully, what about me? I know that coming up he has a special event to help his friend out, but I didn't expect that it takes him almost half of the week... Ya, I guess I don't understand how important that event is to his friend and him. Perhaps, I am really a nobody. Yes, I don't understand.. I really don't... "If this is what you really think, I have nothing to say.."- This is hurtful. I'm worried for you yet you don't see it..

Maybe my concerns are redundane? There are actually many "what if"s in my head for the past 2 days.. What if he got an accident? What if he don't wake up? Which hospital? When will he wake up? or.. What if he passed out in some quiet places where no one notice him? So many "what if"s... What is going on? I am just concerned... If I am really someone who is important in your life, should you show some importance that I stay in your heart? At least an sms to tell me how you are doing? If this goes on... What will our future be like? Are you going to treat me and our children like this too? So you are placing me at a side? I know... I am the side salad of your main course.

Ok... I will try to understand. But I hope this won't happen again. Even if there is need to, please let me know why you will be away for the period, so I won't be worried.. hao bu hao?... :(

WOOHOO!!!
Woohoo!! Hang out with the girls today.. first of all, i was late hahaha...cos woke up in the morning to help Sis with farming in Punggol n SengKang and went home late to get changed... responses are good! Hopefully Sis can make more rentals:) Well well.. when me n gfs are together, we will nv abandon our premium hobby-SHOPPING!! did a little of shopping at Bugis... I bought a watch.. black in colour, looks so Anna Sui lah.. i love princess-ie things hahaha... so girly now.. gila girly gila girly?? hahaha... Nad bought 3, ALL BROWN watches hahaha... she bought it for herself n her parents...we were saying she should buy for all her siblings too, then she can get a family series ahaha... wad de...

Then a while later the 3 pretty n gorgeous ladies bought a "TRISM" dangling earrings ahaha... we put it on and felt like we are back to the days of our ya ya times during school.. aww... so miss it... time passes quickly and we went "our seperate ways".. haha.. no lah.. Nad went home, I went to work n Babie went for her dance class...:) more hungouts to come ya?

Kinda dreadful cos i dun want to go work... received a phone call from CitiBank for interview this Thur.. interview for "professional loan shark" hahaha... wonder how it will be like? lol... But so far so good!!! Got alot of tips for tonight!!! Yay... $33.30... tip tip tip.. more to come... a day to rest tomorrow.. prepare for Thur interview..:)