<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/7860344788592622892?origin\x3dhttp://angelinthewinterdance.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Sunday, October 21, 2007
Partially Settled
Yesterday, my church teacher arranged a time for me and Esther (my best life friend)and Beatrix ( a sister that no longer exists) to clear things out and to settle the dispute which we had for the past month. I did not refuse to turn up, because I want to know what's going on, what's wrong with me.

I started voicing out my opinions regarding the problem, crude in a way because I made it clear to them that if it's really my repetition of problems and complaints that ruin their mood, please allow me to know then I will stop whatever I wish to tell them. Then I came to realise that (from what they had said), I have to know my limitations of venting out my frustrations, and not to take it for granted that they have to help me in all ways and all times and not always expecting anything more from them, because thay had given me more than enough... this is just their perception about me, have they really asked how i felt? At that point of time, I realised that they do not understand me at all. Else, they won't be saying that. My dear friends, do you know what I'm asking for as a friend? What I really want is just a listening ear. I do not mind you being quiet sitting next to me without giving me any solutions to my own problems. I do not need you to sympathize me. What I want is just a comfort without saying a word, at most just a pat on my back. Is this that you can't even do? As a friend of yours, I'm just expecting that much. Because, being there for accompany is the only priceless value that can only be found in a real friendship. Do you understand?

Although I was taken aback from what you have told me, you said that you feel that you care for me more than I care for you, you feel like you acted more like the elder sister rather than me being the elder one, you said that you can even spend time with me for meals after church services but I did not do that to you, you said that you feel that I always wanted to fight for anything and make myself to the top and make eveyone realise my presence. Is these all what you think about me? Why is it so calculative? Are you asking me back for a return? If it is really so, then who's there when you broke down at the staircase when you broke off with your boyfriend? Who's there to pick up your mobile phone when you threw it down the steps? Who's there to console you when you broke down in tears in the train when you quarrelled with your mother? Who's there to give you the biggest birthday card, self-baked cookies, and ice cream mooncake from Haagen Dazs during your birthdays? Who? It's me. All along these years, what you have seen in me is just the bad side. Have you reflected about me in the positive side? I know you made your time out to spent time with me for dinners after church service because you know that I'm always eating out and no one cooks in my family. I appreciated it. But, please don't do that if you sympathize me. I didn't like to be seen in that way (pity). Family problem is a thing that will ponder you for years, it's not easy to forgive and forget. You think it's easy, because your parents are not divorced. Somehow, felt insulted by what you had commented. I had nothing much to say, but just a big thank you because you made me understand how you felt, and made me understand that you didn't know me well-all along we were arguing like hell.

Best friend, I understood what you were trying to say. Though you didn't speak much during the conversation, your opinions gave me a lesson. I will try to tame down and be aware of the limitations. You did not argue with me like the way she did. You knew that I was emotionally breaking down and you knew i am a sensitive person. You are tactful at words and you know what you are talking. I'm really glad that you understand and want me to change. I will try my best to do that. I understand that everyone has their own family problems. Even you have one one day, I will be there to give you a listening ear. So, please give me some time to change myself. Will you? I'm glad that you straightened out your hand to shake mine as a form of reconciliation. I'm glad that you made me involved to the coming party that you are inviting me in November. This really shows that you are giving me a chance to be better. I'm grateful to you. Though I understand that in the past, you might feel awkward too becuase both me and her were in the same school and we have alot of common conversations. However, I need to tell you this, no matter who enters my life, no one will replace my best life friend- Esther Peh Wanqian aka Ahma. I'm sorry. I knew that this argument is the very first and big one that inflicted upon us in our 19 years of friendship and definitely in future we will not be that close anymore. But at least, now that we can still talk and smile to each other.

~{8:24 PM}
Angelic