Gave up! Wake up n new life!!!
Initially thought that i will forget about my ex... tried veri hard but it seems hard... contacted him tat day cos heard from his classmates that he's sleeping in class... being still concern n maybe still loving him, n surprisingly can still rem his mobile no. after 2 bloody months ... gave him an sms to show care... jus a care, tat's all... in the end, we started a conversation, which makes mi feel that he still cares for mi... e feeling seem to come back... i thought it was a dream... veri touched that i shed tears while doing my tut...kinda missed him... brother thought i was so engrossed with some tragedic artiles from my tutorial... yes, i'm sitting in front of my tutorials,but my mind is all about him... n i kept tearing... i thought there is hope cos i told him i will try to wait... thought he had the same sentiments to take it slow n see how it goes...
Tried sms-ing him, asking him out so that i can see him... i know it was foolish of mi to do that... i didnt want anything, but jus wanna see him... why can't guys understand wad i mean? he said he dun wan to meet mi cos he dun want to see mi... he says he find mi irritating... he said he dun wanna hear my voice... it's veri absurb! i jus wanted to show care, see him, cos he cared for mi... but when i care for him, he pushed mi away saying that i'm irritating. seems like i'm an eye sore to him... it breaks my heart again! yes, i do still have a tinge of love feeling for him. many frens told mi that i deserve a better man, and he's a jerk. yes i agree, but i jus dun get it why i still love a jerk that's worst than mud in the streets... Today, i cried cos those words that he said to mi were so rude. no guys talked to mi like that before.. n he's that damn bloody first one... cried till i headache... n had a little quarrel wif my fren... cos she's e person who introduces my ex to mi...matchmake us... my ex n i broke up for some time, n my fren lately had her own problems too, so was not veri tactful at words n i seem to be the target for her to shoot mi indirectly n directly... it's e second time i'm pissed with my fren's action this week... i din wanna hold it against her cos afterall she's like a sister to mi... i din want the stupid problem with my ex to affect my frienship... i really din want it this way....
Headache so much, Mum told mi, "He's crazy, he's a pervert, he thinks it fun to fool u! He dun deserve you to cry for him. You might be crying, but he might be telling his frens that he's at e winning point that his ex gf coming back to cry for him. Mei, get him out of your life, start afresh. Mummy believe u can find a better one. He's a lousy fellow. Dun be sad." Yes, I believe Mum. He's a jerk. He's pervert. He's lousy. He hurt mi once n once again. He dun deserve mi. I can find someone better. I will look ahead... no more turning back. Take it as a lesson that i got to know a lousy man in my life... Move on... Just heard the song 'Love Me', it's a song that Vince said he will teach mi... how i wish i can play that song like he does. Yup, I'm sorry to scare Vince. I din mean it. It's jus a liking that's all. Perhaps i jus wanna feel love n happiness around, so i tried my ways to like n love people. Sounds foolish, but i think it's a happy thing to like n love people, jus like how God love us... haha... i hope he's not bothered by this too much... everything i will listen to God n let God decide... Time to study...
