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Thursday, December 18, 2008
Move on with a smile.
Last night i couldnt sleep with peace.. i felt stress pressing on my chest area.. n i felt like crying.. cos i dun feel good... i felt insecure.. n its like there is no tomorrow for me.. i felt like i am losing breath... guys, this is not joking. i have never felt tt way before. u nv know when yr life will end. u may jus end yr last breath in a sleep and being described as unnatural death.Perhaps these weeks i have been thinking alot. esp on Teddy Bear. As usual he is always silent. The more i wait the more i felt uneasy. I have been asking myself, "what is this waiting for?" I guess it is really sudden infatuations during these months between me and him. Things are just happening too fast. I know it shouldnt be, yet our emotions took control of ourselves. Lately i felt like i am so irritating to him, calling and sms-ing him.. he hardly answers or replies. I want to apologise to him for being so irritating cos i dont want to be like that n give that bad impression. so, i wrote him a long letter, apologising, thanking, my sentiments and advices to him in life...After work, i din go home. I have a new colleague, named Zara, age 24. She has no home. Her parents are in US and all her siblings are scattered around in different countries. She put up at her friend's place but last night her fren went relatives' place to stay. So Zara was left alone, dunno where to go, no home, and was planning to wander around in the streets. At the same time, i was rather emotional. So we kept each other company at our workplace. Teddy Bear knocked off at 12am. Colleagues persisted him to stay and talk to me. But he rushed home without talking, cos he was catching the last train. Well, what to talk about? Everything are written in the letter. I dunno what to talk also. I am not disappointed that he went off w/o me. I rather he jus go home. and in the end i want to go home too. I felt feverish, guess i'm getting sick. So i took a cab home.. so expensive... i should hav gone home earlier...Woke up and thought about it.. well, i guess i should recover. better get healed earlier than later. cos i had enough hurt.. whatever it is, Christmas present is already made and i shall jus pass it to him soon.. cos i dun want to keep it. Maybe he is one of the angels in my life and we may jus be fated to be frens. Thank you for all e care and concerns that you have for me in the past. You gave me good memories. I really have to thank you for that, cos you took my ex away from my life journal... right now, i want to concentrate on my last semester before graduation.cos this is my life and i think it is more important to me. We can still be friends, ya? I hope you dun think that i am having any motives. As what Becky had taught me, be professional and be strong. There's not a need to quit the job cos you need the money for yr family. Yes, I will be. I must move on... smile Angel... :)
Angelic
