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Saturday, July 14, 2007
SHATTERED MOODS
Recently, kena alot of scoldings from Peter. Just dont understand why, whatever i do and whatever efforts that i put in seem not to satisfy him. i think his expectations are way more higher than anyone of us would think. well, cried a few times cos i really can't handle stress load. i realli felt so useless and helpless. got to juggle studies, dance, choir, tambourine dance, sunday school, my younger bro's school work and even stress over where i'm going to live after a few months. my apartment has been sold and mum still could not give mi an answer of where we will stay.
all these stress loads are suffocating mi, i can't breathe. sometimes i ever thought of doing something foolish and end up in the hospital so that all these stress can leave mi alone for some time. but come to think of it, i dont think mum has the ability to afford my hospitalization bills. i realli feel tat mum did not think for my future. she wants mi to join a name with her to buy an apartment. my cpf are not enough. in future, i have to pay back my school fees by myself cos i applied for tuition loan. there's jus too many things for mi to hold responsibility for. my dream is to get a degree. but, will i? i dun even know if i will have the ability to pay. cos poly school fees will definitely be after mi after my diploma grad. i really wanted to study for a degree...
Lately, i realised that i got drifted away from him too. Maybe things have changed and he dont feel my presence anymore. Well, it takes two hands to clap. i wont force him although i realised that i started to love him whole-heartedly since the beginning of this yr. if he doesnt love mi, and he still cant forget his past, i shall be understanding. I hate to say goodbye, but if i dont, i know you will be suffering too. i rather one party suffer than two. thank you for all the good times that you have given mi n all e senses that you have brought to my head that matures mi n heals my emotions. i hope you will find yr happi future. seeing you smile makes mi smile too.
Angelic
